Rule 1: No conversing in the elevator when strangers are present.
Rule 1(a): In workplace and hotel elevators, exchanges may be limited to an uncomfortable "Good morning," but no reply is to be expected. No chit chat, please. Certainly, no eye contact (see below).
Rule 1(b): All conversations in progress must be halted immediately upon entering the elevator if other occupants are present. The last sentence may be completed in a hurried, hushed tone, but no response is permitted. No exceptions.
Rule 1(c): Even if you are and your conversation partner are alone in the elevator for a time, the moment a stranger enters the elevator, the last sentence may be completed in a hushed town, but awkward silence must follow.
Rule 1(d): Dirty, or at the very least puzzled, looks may be given to violators of the above rule.
Rule 2: No occupant of the elevator is to make eye contact with any other occupant at any time for any reason.
Rule 3: All occupants must face in the general direction of the front of the elevator at all times.
Rule 4: Absent any reading material, each occupant is to pick a random "spot" (keeping in mind Rule 3) upon which to affix a vacant gaze. Some suggestions include the button of the desired floor, any signage on the elevator, etc.
Rule 4(a): Only one "spot" per occupant, please.
Rule 4(b): The changing of "spots" mid-ride is not recommended. Fellow occupants will become confused.
Rule 4(c): Occupants may not select other occupants as their "spot."
Rule 5: Comments regarding the existence of these rules (i.e. observations such as, "Whoa, everyone got quiet all of a sudden! That was awkward!") may only be made with a good wingman present to provide backup and never in the workplace.
Rule 5(a): Even if the comment leads to a humorous exchange between riders, the conversation must be immediately forgotten, giving way to awkward silence.
Now, if you feel comfortable enough with yourself and want to watch some people squirm without being too obnoxious, next time you get into an elevator stand towards the front but face the rear.
Thinking about elevators, when the DNC circus comes to town I'm fairly certain that nearly every employee where I currently work will be telecommuting solely due to the hardship that will be riding the elevator. Elevators to our offices also service a large reception area at the top of the building which, I'm told, has events planned nearly every hour of every day (no doubt serving eco-friendly, organic, color-coordinated hors d'oeuvres).
Estimated wait time to get on an elevator from the Lobby: 20-40 minutes.
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5 comments:
All too true. Well said.
Cell phone conversations need to stop as well. Especially the bluetooth variety.
hmmm...i might disagree Christopher. Didn't you talk to anyone in Murtal Beach? And, I think its a big city American thing. And I think the more we act like strangers the most distant and impersonal our world will become. Who knows, maybe its your last elevator ride ever and then is that really how someone would want to leave the world? Silent and aloof.
I'm sorry your city will be overrun by the political party you detest. But on the bright site, the longer they are there, the less time they can spend trying to ruin the economy with higher taxes, kill babies, give sinful homosexuals rights and help dirty poor people who were too lazy to get an education. Sweet!
I agree with the elevator rules, btw and I strictly abide by them.
I have a proposition...
the next time you are in the elevator you should do something directly contrary to the rules. for example, instead of facing towards the door, face the wall opposite the door.
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