IN-N-OUT and Cafe Rio

Much to the dismay of my digestive system (lots of beans+lots of lettuce=not good times; bad times), while in Utah this weekend I had three helpings of Cafe Rio. It was a staple of my undergrad years at BYU and becomes almost a daily occurence whenver we visit Utah. It's pretty boring of us, but we shamelessly go there as often as possible. It's pretty faux-Mexican (they say "inspired"), which should probably offend me based on the time I spent in Mexico. We forgive them, but The Wife and I are fairly certain that they put an addictive substance in the food there.

Our family's basic menu consists of a salad or a burrito, though they also have tacos and enchiladas which I hear are good. The salads are massive, sitting in a homemade flour tortilla the size of a charger, and have rice, beans, meat, lettuce, tortilla strips, guacamole, salsa, cheese, and cilantro. The burritos are best "enchilada style," where they drown them in sauce and cheese and then bake them for a few moments. They're expanding, thankfully, but have yet to make it to Colorado. In Provo, it's not uncommon for the line to order food to be out the door. As I usually do, I scoffed at something that universally popular, but the workers there soon knew my name and my order.

I lump it in with IN-N-OUT, as I must consume one meal from IN-N-OUT per calendar day I am in California at any given time. Now, if my visit consists of a Sunday (no eating out on Sundays), then that just means that I need to make up for it with a two-fer on another day. Yes, I've done this.

IN-N-OUT is fast food perfection. This will not be argued or contested in any way. Most Californians rave over it and with good reason. Their schtick is that they were the first drive thru burger place out of the era of car hops. They've kept their prices reasonable and comparable to traditional fast food joints while not having a single refrigerator on the premises. They get all of their ingredients freshly delivered each day. So, they slice their own potatoes for fries, slice their own vegetables for the burgers, and everything tastes it.

I'll keep this appropriately modest--it's still just a burger and it's not gourmet by any means, but for something that you buy at a fast food place it tastes like something you'd whip up in your backyard. If you can have that, why would you ever choose a Big Mac or a Whopper? My buddies and I in high school were there at least once a week (Double-Double meal with grilled onions, Dr. Pepper, maybe with a cheeseburger to chase it--after all, we were growing boyos). Good memories.

More than the food, however, I will put in one other plug. They're also a very well-run business. They refuse to grow faster than they can support the infrastructure needed to keep their identity of fresh food and good service. They used to be a Southern California only place, but have since grown up north to Northern California, out to Arizona, Nevada, and most recently to Southern Utah. They're probably following the exodus of middle-class Californians. What I've always liked about them, though, is that they pay their lowest-level employees a comparable wage to competitors' managers. They can be a bit more picky, then, with who they hire. The result is a pretty good experience.

(WARNING: Author about to get on his high horse) Now, we consumers have more power than we think. We all gripe about bad service at places that we continue to patronize. Both of the above-mentioned establishments do a good job of using fresh food and treating their employees pretty well. Both have great service. If we want other things we like to adopt a similar model, all we can do is put the power in our wallets and dictate what we want by what we spend.

What if Soccer ruled?

In these, the dog days of summer, one cannot help but be sick of Brett Favre stories. As a sports fan, this is easily the worst time of year. Football's still a ways off (though there's that early training camp excitement starting to make my spine tingle), the MLB All-Star break came and went with as little fanfare as usual, the NBA's long gone, and not even the impending Olympics can fully save us. I'm fairly addicted to mainstream sports media, and even the inane chatter that they normally produce to my delight is no relief since most of the best personalities take vacations and give way to the folks who usually are relegated to the coveted "Sundays from midnight to 6:00 a.m." spot. It's terrible.



One random blip of excitement amidst the dreariness came with Euro 2008. Mostly--I think-- because ESPN's parent company now co-owns a soccer team, but this typically obscure-in-America sporting event got some buzz and some pub. I've thought about this before, and it made me wonder what our sports scene would be like if there were no Big 3 sports in America (Football, Baseball, and Basketball)? How would that affect the United States' current laughable status on the international soccer scene?



There are some who'd tell you that we're only a few years away from a real breakthrough in the United States' level of soccer play. There are some who'd tell you that we only need wait for the thousands and thousands of children and teenagers who grew up loving soccer to grow up and take their place among the world's elite. Then, maybe then, the United States will become a contender.



Well, as much as I can appreciate the sheer athleticism and skill of soccer players (especially since I'm no good at it) and can admire their fitness level, I'm just not seeing it. For one thing, Lacrosse is making some real headway into becoming the next "sport that nobody pays attention but would love it if they'd get off of football's high horse and just watch it for a while," and as such is eating a bit into that same niche of young soccer players.



But the main problem is just that there's no room. Unless they could cram a full-blown soccer season into the space between the end of the NBA and the start of the NFL, there's just no room in our attention spans, no market space, and so little incentive for the best athletes in the United States (the ones with the level of talent to go pro and make a TON of money) to play soccer over any of the Big 3 sports.



But what if they did? What if, in an alternate universe, there was no NFL, no MLB, and no NBA? What if we had the opportunity to stick it to the rest of the world who mocks our status on the stage of the world's most popular sport? What would our starting 11 look like if the best athletes of the Big 3 (probably MLB excluded because, as 2-time All Star, career .300 batting average star John Kruk said, "I'm not an athlete. I'm a professional baseball player.") played soccer their whole lives? Let's take a look at that roster (I'll list more than 11, but there's enough depth for several rosters):



Goal keeper: I'm thinking any elite NBA small forward to power forward (or even center) could do nicely. How 'bout Kevin Garnett? 6'-11", insanely long wingspan and great quickness for a dude that big. The rebounding skills and ability to guard small should translate nicely to keeper.



Fullbacks: Quick linebackers, running backs, and maybe small forwards would dominate, or maybe even NFL fullbacks. Think Urlacher, Merriman (Remember those sick contorted-body picks last year? Imagine him getting corner kicks out of the way), maybe Artest, LDT, and Ray Lewis in some combination.



Midfielders: Some mix of NBA point guards and defensive backs would be ideal. Imagine Deron Williams, CP3, Asante Samuel, and Rodney Harrison.



Forwards: NBA two guards and wide receivers for height, speed, and quickness. Think Kobe, Dwayne Wade, Terrel Owens, and Chad Johnson. Average height is about 6' 3" with that.



I look at a breakdown like that, and I think two things. One, it would be fun to think about. But mostly, I just can't wait for football season. Did I just write that much about soccer? Yikes. Thank heaven for football training camp. Came not a moment too soon.

Rules for Riding an Elevator

Apart from basic rules regarding the expulsion of unpleasant bodily gas in any enclosed space, we all know that riding in an elevator requires that we abide by certain rules. Let's go through the rules, shall we?

Rule 1: No conversing in the elevator when strangers are present.

Rule 1(a): In workplace and hotel elevators, exchanges may be limited to an uncomfortable "Good morning," but no reply is to be expected. No chit chat, please. Certainly, no eye contact (see below).

Rule 1(b): All conversations in progress must be halted immediately upon entering the elevator if other occupants are present. The last sentence may be completed in a hurried, hushed tone, but no response is permitted. No exceptions.

Rule 1(c): Even if you are and your conversation partner are alone in the elevator for a time, the moment a stranger enters the elevator, the last sentence may be completed in a hushed town, but awkward silence must follow.

Rule 1(d): Dirty, or at the very least puzzled, looks may be given to violators of the above rule.

Rule 2: No occupant of the elevator is to make eye contact with any other occupant at any time for any reason.

Rule 3: All occupants must face in the general direction of the front of the elevator at all times.

Rule 4: Absent any reading material, each occupant is to pick a random "spot" (keeping in mind Rule 3) upon which to affix a vacant gaze. Some suggestions include the button of the desired floor, any signage on the elevator, etc.

Rule 4(a): Only one "spot" per occupant, please.

Rule 4(b): The changing of "spots" mid-ride is not recommended. Fellow occupants will become confused.

Rule 4(c): Occupants may not select other occupants as their "spot."

Rule 5: Comments regarding the existence of these rules (i.e. observations such as, "Whoa, everyone got quiet all of a sudden! That was awkward!") may only be made with a good wingman present to provide backup and never in the workplace.

Rule 5(a): Even if the comment leads to a humorous exchange between riders, the conversation must be immediately forgotten, giving way to awkward silence.

Now, if you feel comfortable enough with yourself and want to watch some people squirm without being too obnoxious, next time you get into an elevator stand towards the front but face the rear.

Thinking about elevators, when the DNC circus comes to town I'm fairly certain that nearly every employee where I currently work will be telecommuting solely due to the hardship that will be riding the elevator. Elevators to our offices also service a large reception area at the top of the building which, I'm told, has events planned nearly every hour of every day (no doubt serving eco-friendly, organic, color-coordinated hors d'oeuvres).

Estimated wait time to get on an elevator from the Lobby: 20-40 minutes.

I caved...

...and here I am. I have a blog. Me. I can think of at least 2 people who are making fun of me for doing this, but they can get over it (Yes, I'm talking about you, Gus and Brad). I talk to them enough that this isn't so much for them anyway. I'm not a Facebook-er, and though I have a MySpace page I rarely use it (got it for my recent 10 year high school reunion).

Last year I probably would have made fun of myself. I don't lose a lot of sleep over it, but I'm not much of a fan of how, with every step, our communication becomes more and more impersonal and detached. As if email, instant messaging, and text messaging aren't enough to keep us from actually talking to each other, now we can blog or update our Facebook page and let people passively keep in touch with us. If they want. Or not. Or whatever.

Yes, I know that is a bit of a Grandpa Simpson point of view, so please don't think I'm that cynical. (NOTE: I even resisted cell phones since I didn't have a "real" job when they became prolific but gave in to their convenience eventually.) For what it's worth, I do think it's nice to have an easy mechanism for keeping in touch with friends. My family's blog is probably the better source for that kind of information. The Wife does a great job of keeping it updated, especially with pictures of The Daughter, who provides us with a pretty steady stream of cute pictures for me to brag about. (Aside: since The Daugher looks quite a bit like me, how egotistical is it for me to think she's cute? Discuss.) Our blog has links to some of our friends' blogs, and with few exceptions they're mostly scrapbook-type pages that do well to keep up to date with each other's lives and kids. Since the scrapbooking gene is apparently activated with the assumption of marriage vows in young women, and since blogging is way easier than actually scrapbooking and allows you to share your stuff pretty easily, more power to all the scrapbook bloggers out there.

I'm thinking that this blog instead will be something of a dorky release for me. I'll probably hit up sports, some politics, religion, office stuff, movies, food, personality quirks, profitless promotion of pop culture that I enjoy, and other such subjects both trivial and less so. To a fault I'll admit, I have an opinion about most anything (though not necessarily an educated one). But, since I don't spend any time in bars and since The Wife has lovingly and patiently endured my diatribes so well, I figure I'll give her a break and subject you all to them. The upshot is that it will end up being a better snapshot of who I am than my journal, and I'll have something of a creative outlet.

Hope you enjoy. Comments and suggestions for posts welcome.

Follow-up: Here's a link to a good article from the L.A. Times about the potential drag on the workday that email can create. I've personally not been busy enough at either of my post-grad jobs that I've experienced any of this, but I had co-workers who dealt with the inability to keep up on a daily basis.

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-et-email31-2008jul31,0,3104453.story?page=1