A Couple of Good Reads for Dads

Both to a credit and to a fault, we have no shortage of reading and discussion material on raising a family. It's funny. I'm fairly certain that the Mom and the Dad essentially brainwashed me into being a pretty decent kid. I can only remember one instance of being grounded in the conventional sense, I have no memory of being yelled at, I can think of no instance of being physically disciplined (though the Mom tells a story of me taking a Marks-A-Lot to her freshly-applied wallpaper and giving me a swat), nor can I think of any instance where my parents were in disagreement. And I paid attention.

And yet, I rarely got into significant trouble, didn't use drugs or anything like it as a teenager, got good grades, kept busy, and got into college. When I talk with the Mom about how it is that she and the Dad pulled this off, she typically shrugs and says things like, "Your dad and I always were just on the same page." In short, she gives me little to work with.

At a time when the traditional family faces many challenges to the point that the "traditional family" is almost quixotic (though worth aspiring to), as a society we also have never had more access to opinions and ideas by experts or otherwise. Searching for "parenting" books at Amazon.com yields 97,607 results.

I've been frustrated by two things: 1) they're all ridiculously contradictory to the point of being little more than hotbeds of parental insecurity and fodder for arguments with other parents, and 2) they're often marketed more for mothers than fathers.

As to the first problem, that just comes with the territory. With my limited experience I've come to the conclusion that you just have to take what you can from what you read or hear and mix it in to whatever recipe you're comfortable with. There's a certain amount of trial and error for which I'm sure we'll have to beg forgiveness someday of our firstborns.

As to the second problem, I've made it my crusade to find good books on fathering. If anyone out there has a recommendation, I'd love to hear it. In the meantime, here are mine, each with an accompanying short description and review:

Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know, by Meg Meeker


I just finished this one and really liked it. Dr. Meeker is a practicing pediatrician and pediatric therapist specializing in working with young women. As such, she has some anecdotes that are enough to make this big lug a bit dusty. It's pretty empowering and is adamant that, if done well, a father can make a huge difference in a young woman's development. As a man who's terrified of the number he'll do on his daughter, it was reassuring. It is, however, not for the uber-liberal who doesn't believe that things like rules or guidelines are good for children.

Mack Daddy: Mastering Fatherhood Without Losing Your Style, Your Cool, or Your Mind, by Larry Bleidner



This was written by just an average schlub. After rolling my eyes at the title, I picked it up before the Daughter was born out of frustration at being able to find much else on the subject and was pleasantly surprised by it. It's tone is very conversational, even occasionally (though rarely) a bit crass. (When crass, it's almost like when/if a college professor drops a cuss word--you can tell they're doing it for cred but it's totally unnecessary and even a bit awkward.) It has no analysis or anything, but very much de-mystifies having a baby and does it with good humor that, for me, helped the whole thing sound very doable.

Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads, by Gary Greenberg and Jeannie Hayden


This is the Boy Scout Handbook of new dad books. It's illustrated, it's very how-to, it's a bit tongue-in-cheek, but it's helpful. Best bit of information I got out of that thing was how to swaddle a baby, though it wasn't long before the Wife figured out how to do it better. There's a pattern forming there....